


Sugar

by bunnymatsu



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Sugar Daddy, Angry Kissing, Angry Sex, Angst, Choking, Cliffhangers, Comfort/Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Drunken Confessions, Drunkenness, EVAN ONLY STUTTERS WHEN HE'S GETTIN DICKED DOWN, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Evan is a bottom, Feelings Are Confusing, Friends With Benefits, Hate Sex, Heartbreak, Homelessness, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Insults, Light BDSM, Light Bondage, Light Masochism, Love Confessions, M/M, Masturbation in Shower, Men Crying, Pining, Poor Life Choices, Porn With Plot, Post-Coital Cuddling, Rich Connor - Freeform, Rope Bondage, Sad, Safe Sane and Consensual, Safewords, Semi-Public Sex, Sex for Money, Shower Sex, Smut, Stupidity, Sub Drop, Sugar Daddy, Teddy Bears, Tree Bros, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Vibrators, could have additional chapters possibly, lots of smut, relationship questioning, slight daddy kink, so much crying, there's angst but mostly smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-07-10 19:23:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15955895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunnymatsu/pseuds/bunnymatsu
Summary: Money. A lot of it, rolled tightly. It almost made Evan feel sadder, knowing that Connor thought he was just doing this for money. He was doing this for him, for the Connor he knew in high school. The Connor that held his hand when he was panicking and sobbing after his breakup with Zoe. He clutched his fist tighter at the memory, and Connor seemed to sense a certain look in his eyes. “You should get some rest. Call if you need anything.” And with that, the room was quiet once more.





	1. Chapter 1

Evan's disheveled hair seemed to melt into the ridiculously soft pillow behind him when he fell back onto the silk sheets. Here he was, a man who formerly had hardly a dollar to his name, laying in a bed that felt so expensive he could hardly bear to look at it half the time. His back was pressed against the mattress with a firmer divot than he usually caused. That was explained by the fact that he had another man on top of him, the man in question keeping a tight hold on Evan's wrists and pinning them up above his head. Soon, they were tied to the bed itself. Even better.

Connor Murphy, someone who happened to pick up an old high school friend who was going through a rough patch. The two men had once been good friends, but had lost touch after graduation. They'd kissed a few times back then, but it was nothing special. Mostly just… experimentation. Only friends, they'd insist. Because of course, Evan was straight and had a crush on Connor's sister. 

That relationship had lasted only a few weeks, because although Zoe really cared about him, she decided that dating wasn't a good idea for her, and Evan respected that. That didn't mean that Evan didn't struggle after the breakup though. Connor opened his arms to him during that time, but they didn't date. Connor wasn't going to be a rebound for his sister.

~

Skip a few years, and Connor would be out driving only to see a familiar looking man sitting out on the side of the road. Evan Hansen, his old high school crush. He still looked amazing, even if he was obviously having a rough time. His hair looked dirty, and his skin wasn't much better. Through it, he still had soft lips and kind, timid blue eyes. Connor had missed those from time to time, and why not stop and talk? He pulled up his expensive looking car, rolling the tinted window down. “Evan Hansen?” He spoke up after a moment, seeing the man's eyes widen. “...Connor… Connor Murphy?! Oh my god, I'm… I'm so sorry you're seeing me like this..” His posture stiffened and he stared at his lap with a look that suggested he was disgusted with himself. “Hey, no, it's fine… I um, I've missed you. Dumb question, but how have you been?” Evan forced a laugh, but it was humorless. “How do you think? It's been a shitty few years. My house is getting um.. Renovations.” He fidgeted with his hands. “Renovations, huh?” Connor raised an eyebrow but didn't question him further. “Wanna come over? I've got a place to myself, and with an inheritance it's pretty sweet.” Sweet was an understatement, but of course Evan was unaware of that at the moment. “Really?” “Of course. I want to catch up. Go ahead and hop in, alright? I'll let you have a shower too.” Connor wondered if it was rude to say that, but too late to take it back now. Evan's face flushed, but he slid open the back door of the car and sat down, buckling. The interior smelled of cinnamon. “Oh, um, thank you. Yeah, the bathroom is being renovated, so..” He shrugged. “Gotcha. Alright, well, my place isn't far. I think you'll like it.” Connor shot Evan a grin through the mirror, and Evan smiled back nervously. 

~

Connor's mouth was all over Evan's neck in an instant, kissing and biting. He made dark marks that likely wouldn't be gone for a few days, not that Evan minded one bit.

Maybe he'd mind if he saw himself in the mirror, but recently he'd been avoiding those. He was being treated well here, and deserved to be happy without seeing himself. That would put him in a bad mood. 

He tipped his head back a little more to grant the long haired man more access, tangling his fingers within the previously mentioned hair. A short tug was all it took for Connor to come undone, letting out soft moan. Nice. Evan liked hearing that, though he didn't say so. He didn't really feel comfortable talking during this unless it was requested, or if he was giving consent to something.

“Pull it again, Evvy.” Connor's eyes flicked up to look at him, leaving a trail of lighter marks down his chest. Evan nodded, tugging at a fistful of his hair once again. 

Connor leaned back up to whisper in his ear, using a low tone that he knew made Evan melt. “God, you're so good.. You know that?” 

Fuck. Evan really enjoyed praise like that. He could feel his face heating up, and he would've covered that if only his hands weren't temporarily out of commission. “Mhm…” He hummed in response, nodding slightly. Connor grinned at him, moving off of him and laying beside him. Evan was confused, did he mess up? 

“You're doing fine, sweetheart.” Connor mumbled, pressing a reassuring kiss to his temple. Evan nodded again, shifting the best he could to try and look at him. “Why'd you stop like that..?” Evan eventually made himself speak up. “Wanted to look at you for a bit. And check in.” He explained, earning a small sigh of relief from Evan. Evan appreciated that Connor seemed to make a priority of checking up on him sometimes. Not as often as he used to, but that could be pinned on the fact that they knew what they both liked by then, and it was less of a necessity. 

“So, you're okay right? Just tell me if you don't like something. Promise you'll tell me?” Connor lifted his torso up, leaning on his arm and looking at Evan's face. “Yeah.. Thank you.” He nodded, averting eye contact. It felt mildly uncomfortable to look anyone in the eye right then. Evan definitely wasn't the most comfortable in his skin, but Connor was working on that. And honestly, it was working a little bit at a time. 

“Color?” Connor kept himself steady on his side, propped up by his elbow as he slid his free hand down Evan's chest, stopping when only his fingertips were inside the elastic of his underwear. “Ah- Green.” Evan swallowed, trying not to look too desperate. But he wanted to be touched, and Connor knew it. “Mm.” Connor moved his hand away and sat up on his knees, moving to sit between Evan's legs contently. 

Evan noticed that the bed barely even creaked when pressure was put on it. That only spoke for the quality even more. He couldn't focus on that for long, though, because soon he was only focusing on the feeling of Connor's hands gently pushing his thighs apart, followed by his mouth and teeth grazing his inner thigh. Fuck, that was a sensitive area. His fingers tangled into the man's hair once more. “Oh fuck, please, please please..” He tugged at the strands he was holding, which really only fueled Connor to continue. He sucked marks into the skin there, noticing how soft and pale it was compared to the rest of him. 

“Please..!” Evan begged again, just hoping that Connor understood what exactly he was begging for. “Please what?” He ran his tongue over a mark he'd made before sitting up again, grinning to himself at the sight in front of him. “Please… Fuck me..” Again, Evan wished he was able to cover his face right then. As much as he loved having his hands tied back, he also hated it sometimes.

“Right now?” Connor hummed, pressing his palm against the dent in Evan's underwear. “Yes, yes yes yes. Right now. Please.” Evan reiterated, lifting his hips a bit so Connor could easily remove his underwear. With a soft nod, the long haired man removed the last piece of clothing from him, undressing himself too. He kept a shirt on, and part of Evan wanted to ask him to take it off too. That part of him ended up winning. 

“Connor…?”

“Yeah?”

“Take your shirt off? I wanna see you. It's not like I haven't..” He blushed and made sure his eyes were focused on something else. Connor let out a noticeable exhale, before nodding. “Okay. I can do that.” He closed his eyes and took a breath as he lifted the shirt off and tossed it aside. Evan looked over at him once again. “Pretty.” He muttered. “What?” “Nothing. Just fuck me, please?” Evan was mildly embarrassed at letting the small compliment slip. It wasn't generally something Connor seemed to like. 

“Mhm.” Connor rolled his eyes playfully, leaning over him and undoing the ties that kept his arms up. “Wh-” “Trust me.” Connor kissed his forehead before getting off of him. “Lay down on your stomach. That's why I untied you. I could tie you again that way, if you want me to.” “No, it's… It's fine either way.” Evan rolled over onto his stomach obediently, feeling Connor move back behind him, his hips pressing against him, and his chest against his back. Connor positioned his arms on either side of Evan's shoulders, rolling his hips against him to tease. Evan adored being teased, but never admitted it outwardly. Connor was able to tell that he liked it, luckily for him. Evan buried his face in the pillow in front of him, the one that felt like he was sinking into a cloud. He was thankful for the position they were in, since he could hide his face rather easily. 

“Be as loud as you want, okay Evvy? Now tell me when.” Connor continued to only grind against him, making the submissive man only whimper and nod. “Please…” He lifted his head and twisted it around to look at him. That was uncomfortable for his neck, so he only stayed like that for maybe a second at most. Connor got the point though, and nodded. “Lift your hips up.” He used a more commanding tone that Evan absolutely adored. “Yes, sir..” He'd taken to calling Connor that, and other more dominant nicknames, discovering that Connor tended to love them. 

Evan did as he was told to do, and immediately felt Connor's hands grip his hips. Then, he could feel Connor gently pressing against him. Only the tip went in, and Evan's torso collapsed against the mattress, his face against the pillow. “Already?” Connor teased, a light grin on his face. “Sh… Shut up..” Evan mumbled, though his voice was already muffled from the pillow. “Nah, that's no fun is it?” He playfully squeezed his ass, pushing in deeper until he bottomed out.

They'd done this many times, but Evan still wasn't entirely used to that feeling. That wasn't to say that he didn't enjoy it, because he did, but it just meant that it was… An odd sensation at first anyway. “God, please move already…” Evan mumbled, wanting to feel him more. He shifted his hips a bit, letting out a soft moan into the pillow. “Color?” “Green, oh my god, green..” Evan wondered if Connor was asking just to make him wait that time. He didn't have much time to consider that thought though, because soon he felt Connor pull halfway out, pushing back in again. 

“Yes..! Please, yes..” Evan whimpered against the pillow, gripping onto the soft sheets under him as Connor started to go deeper. He lifted him a bit more by the hips in order to reach a more satisfying angle. It worked beautifully, and Evan was a mess under him, moaning and drooling against the pillow. Connor didn't mind that, finding it endearing how quickly he could reduce him to that state. Connor hooked an arm under his lower abdomen, wrapping his hand around Evan's cock and pumping it gently. “Ah- Fuck, Connor..!” Evan let out a higher pitched moan, and Connor only increased the speed of his hips and his hand simultaneously. Evan would be lying if he ever tried to say that Connor wasn't good at this. He was almost too good. 

“Say what you want to say, pet.” Connor had leaned over Evan a bit more in order to say that in his ear. He knew that Evan liked to say things he'd never say otherwise in that state. “Ngh.. Connor I-” “Ah, no. Say what you really want to say..” He let out a soft groan in Evan's ear, making him blush. “Y-Yes sir..” He mumbled, keeping his face buried in the pillow as he continued to let out quiet moans and whimpers. “We both know that's not the name you used last time. I already know about what you like, Evvy.. Just say it.” He panted lightly, trying to hold off on the feeling he was starting to get in his stomach.

“Hng…! Fuck me, d-daddy..!” Evan's face was a bright red now. He gripped onto the sheets harder, lifting his hips as much as he could manage. Connor grinned, biting at the back of his neck and continuing to move at a faster pace. He supported Evan's lower half, seeing that his legs were shaking. “Close?” He questioned, purring in his ear. Evan only nodded abruptly, letting out a soft squeak-like moan. His face twisted in pleasure against the pillow as he came on the sheets, his legs shaking hopelessly. 

Connor pulled out, flipping him over on his back. He gently held onto his hair, pulling him down a little bit in a way that was commanding, but gave Evan the chance to refuse what he was asking. Evan held up a finger to show he needed a second, before lowering his head and not hesitating to start sucking him off. Connor's grip on Evan's hair only tightened. He let out a soft moan of his name as he tapped the back of his head once in warning. Evan knew exactly what that meant, but he didn't pull back. Connor bit his lip, cumming down his throat and then pulling away to watch him as he swallowed it. 

Ten minutes later, Connor was holding Evan close, muttering words of reassurance. “You did such a good job, Evan..” “You too…” Evan mumbled.

~

Evan could remember the first time he'd seen the house. Connor Murphy of all people had driven him to a nice house in a fancy car, after not talking for a few years. It wasn't necessarily surprising though, that Connor had money. His parents had always been well off, and though Connor hadn't said anything about it, Evan could assume that maybe one or both of them had either passed on and left an inheritance, or passed on their jobs. Either way, it reflected on his lifestyle. 

The house was large enough just on the outside, and it was hardly shaped like a house at all. It honestly looked like a government building, with a gate in the front that had some kind of electric code. Evan looked away when Connor entered it in, which seemed to amuse him. “You know, I don't care if you see the code, Evan. I consider you an old friend at this point.” “Oh, um, thank you.. You too.” He smiled politely, shifting in his seat.

“Shit, I didn't even notice that you aren't wearing a jacket. It's like… In the negatives out here, Hansen.” Connor looked at him in concern, before shaking his head and driving into a garage. The garage had a floor that resembled the sort of tiles that you'd see in a school hallway, except cleaner and nicer looking. Evan gaped, obviously either impressed or ashamed to be somewhere this… Nice. Connor chose to believe the first option as he parked and stopped the car. “Nice, isn't it? I have a good job, I'm proud of how things look around here. I don't like.. Hire people to clean though, because I feel weird about that, y'know?” Connor shrugged, getting out of the car and locking it when Evan got out as well. “Let's go inside, come on.” He smiled warmly.

~

Evan Hansen was sitting on a couch that felt like the upholstery was made of puppies. Of course it wasn't, but it was soft like that. Next to him sat Connor Murphy, his… Friend? He wasn't sure. But, it was conflicting. Right now. It would appear that Connor was barely interested in him. He was sitting a good two feet away, his arms up against his head contently as he just watched a movie. Evan occasionally glanced at him, but really couldn't bring himself to ask anything that he wanted to ask. He wanted to know what they were, if anything. Maybe he'd never find out. 

“Connor?”

“Yeah?” Connor's eyes moved over to glance at him, but his head didn't even turn. 

“Do you think you-” Evan spoke up, before pausing and shaking his head. “Never mind.”

“Mmkay. Is that all?” “...Yeah..” Evan nodded, sighing. He had all the answers he needed. Connor obviously didn't want anything to do with him outside of sex. “...Just kiss me.” He mumbled. He wanted to pretend to be wanted, the only way he really knew how. Connor was surprised by his blatant request, but he complied, pulling Evan into his lap and kissing him. Evan melted into the embrace, becoming dependent on the feeling for the second time that morning. 

~

Evan's jaw had practically hit the floor then they'd walked into Connor's house. Everything was dark, but in an aesthetically pleasing way. There were flowers in vases scattered around, and no shortage of art and other decorations. A few of the pieces caught Evan's eye, and he eventually settled on looking at a painting of a dog with a skeletal face. “Oh, do you like that picture?” Connor asked, shoving his hands in his pockets. Evan gave a small nod, still feeling overwhelmed by everything. “I painted it…. Last year. Yeah, that's right. Last year.” Connor shrugged. “It's not what I'm proudest of, but I like it here.” “Me too. It's nice.” Evan nodded again, his eyes not knowing where to look, so he kept them down. 

“Come on, follow me. I said you could take a shower.” Connor gestured for him to follow, leading him to a large bathroom. There was a shower that looked like a small room in itself, as well as a large bathtub. “You can take a bath or a shower, whatever you want. I'll be in my room. It's down the hall, okay?” Evan nodded, his mouth still slightly open with shock. “Kay, see you.” He walked away, closing the door and leaving Evan to his own devices.

Evan wasn't sure what to do. He peeled out of his clothes, looking between the bathtub and the shower, deciding which to use. He decided on the shower, since that would likely be quicker. He slid open the glass door and stepped inside, looking around. He didn't see a faucet anywhere, until he looked up. There was a large shower head suspended from the ceiling. Evan paused, before turning on the hot water. It didn't take hardly any time to become warm, and that wasn't what he was used to. The water pressure itself was damn near perfect, and he soon learned that Connor's bath products smelled amazing too. Fuck, he felt out of place here.

~

Evan woke up back in Connor's bed, but it was empty. It didn't feel as warm as it did when Connor was with him, but he just took a deep breath and tried not to focus on that. He should've smiled and been happy. He should've been grateful. He was grateful, to an extent, but he wanted more. He wanted to be genuinely loved. 

Little did Evan know, Connor was terrified to get too close.

Evan's interlude with his own thoughts was interrupted by a door opening. He quickly sat up, seeing Connor leaning casually against the doorframe, fully dressed while Evan was wearing only underwear and one of Connor's shirts. “Hey.” He offered a quick smile, and it almost gave Evan hope. Almost. “Hi.” Evan said back, folding his hands in his lap. “Did you need something?” “No, just… You know what day it is, Ev.” Shit, no he didn't. “Ah… I don't. What day is it?” Evan had lost track of days lately. “Friday.” “Oh.” Evan wished Connor would forget about that already. “You um.. You really don't have to--” “Hush, okay Evan? Just take it.” Connor walked closer, his eyes moving to stare at Evan's hand expectantly. Evan sighed, opening it. Soon Connor's hand was in his own, patting it closed until Evan brought it back to see how much he'd been given this time. 

Money. A lot of it, rolled tightly. It almost made Evan feel sadder, knowing that Connor thought he was just doing this for money. He was doing this for him, for the Connor he knew in high school. The Connor that held his hand when he was panicking and sobbing after his breakup with Zoe. He clutched his fist tighter at the memory, and Connor seemed to sense a certain look in his eyes. “You should get some rest. Call if you need anything.” And with that, the room was quiet once more.

~ 

Evan had gotten dressed in his old clothes until Connor insisted that he wear something else. At least, until his own clothes were done in the laundry. Evan didn't protest, and he thanked Connor for his hospitality. 

“Seriously… Thank you for everything.” Evan sat down next to Connor on a couch, an extremely comfortable couch. “It's nothing. No big deal at all. I just wanted to catch up with you, y'know? How are the renovations going?” Connor kept a respectful distance between him and Evan. Evan tilted his head a bit. “Renovations? What? Oh. Shit. Yeah.” 

Oh fuck. His lie couldn't be seen through this quickly, that wasn't allowed. Connor raised an eyebrow, concerned. “You told me your house was having renovations and that's why you were out like that.” “....Right, yes. Sorry, I'm a little out of it.” Evan looked away. “Uh… Okay. Understandable..” Connor wanted to push the issue, but didn't for now. Fuck it, life was short.  
“Are you… Homeless, Evan?” Connor looked at him with extreme concern. Evan hesitated, laughing uncomfortably. “Uh… Of course not.. It's… Nothing..” He took a deep breath, trying not to fall apart right there. Connor was right. The bank had taken his house because he couldn't pay for it, and things had all gone to shit. That day was the first day that he realized he really had nowhere to go, and he had been sitting on the sidewalk and trying not to cry. That's when Connor showed up.

~

Evan had waited nearly half an hour, barely holding himself together, before finally calling Connor. He appeared almost as quickly as he seemed to disappear. “What do you need, Ev?” Evan noticed that his hair was tied back out of his face for once. Maybe he was painting or writing, or working on something. Who really knew besides Connor himself? 

Evan's confidence drained as soon as he saw him again. “I um. I missed you.” He fidgeted with his hands. Connor chuckled lightly. “Ah. Well we can do something later, alright? How about you go take a shower? You've been busy today, so it'd be a good idea.” Evan hesitated, before speaking again. “Come with me?” He looked up, meeting Connor's eyes. “I guess I could take a break for awhile.” He grinned a bit, gesturing for Evan to follow him. Evan stood up, walking with him quietly to the bathroom. 

Evan peeled off his clothes, not minding how Connor watched. He liked his attention, if he was honest about it. Connor liked giving the attention, and he undressed as soon as Evan was naked too. Evan stepped into the shower, turning on warm water and waiting for Connor with a content sigh. “We should shower together more often. Conservation of water, you know?” Evan hummed, starting to wash himself. “Is that just an excuse to be with me more often?” Connor rolled his eyes, though he was smiling. “Maybe so.”

Unsurprisingly, it was only about five minutes later when Connor was pinning Evan to the wall,his chest against Evan's back and his hand wrapped around his cock. The water was still cascading down from the faucet. Evan bucked his hips into Connor's hand, letting out a soft moan. “Say what you want to say, Evvy.” Connor grinned, biting his shoulder softly. Evan let out a whimper, before speaking impulsively.

“...I love you!” 

And with that, he came. The pleasure washed away like the water washed everything else away, as soon and Evan realized just what he'd done. Fuck, his life was over because of three little words. Connor stared at him, looking almost horrified. “I'm… I'm sorry..” Evan blinked back tears. “Don't.” Connor shook his head, walking away and grabbing a towel. Evan watched him leave, feeling his heart sink. He sat down and curled up against the wall, sobbing as water ran down his hair and body. 

~

Connor knew Evan wasn't telling the truth, even though Evan continued to furiously deny the questions of being homeless. “It's nothing to be ashamed of, really. Just, please let me help you?” Connor offered, and Evan simply shook his head. “...Okay. I'm homeless. But I'm not going to stay… Here, for free. I can't afford to look at this place, much less stay here without rent! And how could I possibly afford that??” Evan sighed, stopping himself from rambling more. “We could work something out.” Connor shrugged. “Or you could let me help you. For free. No conditions.” “...Connor… You know you don't have to be nice to me, right?” Evan sighed and looked down at the couch. “Yes. Now, do you wanna stay here without conditions or do you want to work something out?” “Work something out. I'll feel better about it.” “Whatever you say.” Connor rolled his eyes. “So, what's something you could do that you'd enjoy?”

~

Evan had eventually calmed down, and turned the shower off. He wrapped himself in a towel and went back to Connor's room. He was there, for once. “Connor, I-” “No. Don't apologize. It's fine, okay? It was probably just… Uh… Heat of the moment kinda thing.” He shrugged. “And.. If it isn't?” Evan shifted uncomfortably. He didn't want Connor to sweep this under the carpet like he usually did when he didn't want to address things. “Then…. I… Why?” He finally spoke coherently. “Why the fuck would you ever love me?”

Connor seemed almost angry with him, and Evan hated it. “Because I… I just do. You're so nice to me, and generous-” “Hah. Knew it. You're only in this for the money. And that's what I want anyway.” “Connor. No. Don't you see how hesitant I always am to take the money? That's because I don't want you to pay me for this anymore. I want to do it all for free. Actually, I should be paying you for letting me stay here..” 

“I can't do this, Evan. We can't do this.”


	2. Evan Fucks Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan stayed silent, not being able to move as he watched the scene unfold. Connor was kissing someone else, touching him, pressing him down against the mattress that Evan had gotten so comfortable on. His heart felt like it was breaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update is shitty, but I decided to continue this story! Hopefully I'll have more motivation to write! My life has been crazy.

It had been a week since Evan had confessed. He was shaken up, his face pale and his breaths shallow as he sat in the lavish living room he'd once been mildly comfortable in. The quiet hurt, and he knew that would last a long time. Connor had gone off somewhere without telling him. God, how could he fuck up this bad? Connor hated him, surely. Why hadn't he been kicked out yet? 

Even though Connor had allowed Evan to stay, things had been tense. Connor would hardly glance in his direction, much less touch him anymore. It was like Evan was trapped, suspended in a perpetual personal hell of the silent treatment from someone who'd once praised him and made him feel almost beautiful, and definitely pleasurable. Evan didn't want to admit it, but he missed the feeling of being so physically close to Connor. He hadn't been touched in a full week and that was taking a toll on his stress levels and self esteem-- not that Connor would care anymore. If he ever did. 

Evan felt tears start to roll down his cheeks for what had to be the hundredth time that day. He just wanted Connor. He wanted to be touched, kissed, loved, held through the night, anything. But now all he was getting was wary looks if Connor did spare a glance, or silence. Pure silence didn't do good things to Evan at all. 

He took a deep breath and stood, walking to Connor's bedroom. Laying down on the mattress would've felt heavenly if he weren't so miserable. Connor's scent on the sheets mixed with his own exhaustion was enough to send him into a dreamless sleep. 

~

Evan's eyes shot open when he felt himself being actually shoved aside. He didn't know how long he'd been asleep, but he did know that Connor was back, sooner than he'd expected. And… He had company.

~

Jared was new to the area. New to the people, new to the customs. He'd been at a local bar to try and distract himself from the stress of his life, when he'd come in contact with Connor Murphy- a name he'd soon learn. 

“Never seen you around.” A man with shoulder length brown hair and charming eyes commented idly, sliding a drink to him. Jared chuckled, shaking his head at the gesture. “Makes sense, considering I've never been here. And thanks for the drink, but uh, I don't accept drinks from strangers.” He shifted in his seat, and Connor nodded, taking the drink back and sipping it himself. “That's probably a good idea. Yeah, forgive me for that.” Jared relaxed a bit when he noticed the man sip it himself. Maybe his intentions weren't misguided. “So, stranger,” Connor started almost jokingly. “Where are you from?” “I might tell you one day, but pardon me for not wanting to disclose my life story to a nameless guy at a bar.” Jared shrugged, a grin on his face. Connor liked this guy's confidence. Yet, something about him seemed familiar. He shook the thought off. “Nameless, huh? How's Connor sound?” He shot him a grin back, and Jared shrugged. “I dunno, sounds pretty made up,” he joked, rolling his eyes. “I'm Jared.” 

The conversation had flourished. Jared let Connor buy him a drink, since he got to watch it being made, and Connor clearly hadn't put anything in it. The two were getting pretty drunk and pretty close by the end of the encounter, and that's when Connor had asked if he wanted to to come over. Sure, Evan would be crushed, but Connor hadn't asked him to fall in love with him. He actually thought he was stupid for it. And sure, Connor did love him back, but he couldn't say it. He could never admit it, so he had to hurt him early. Just to show him that it wasn't a good idea. It wasn't technically cheating because he didn't have an established relationship with Evan. It was sex and money, nothing more, nothing less.

~

Evan stayed silent, not being able to move as he watched the scene unfold. Connor was kissing someone else, touching him, pressing him down against the mattress that Evan had gotten so comfortable on. His heart felt like it was breaking. Connor pulled away from the other, staring at Evan. “Fucking creep, why are you watching? Whatever.” He turned his attention back to Jared, who was already tugging at Connor's clothes. Evan curled up and closed his eyes, wishing he'd disappear.

~

Evan could remember a time back when they'd established their deal, when he met Connor's coworkers. He was well dressed and cared for, and Connor had used makeup to cover some telltale marks on his neck. Straightening Evan's tie, Connor settled his hands on Evan's shoulders with a reassuring smile as he looked into his eyes. “You look perfect, baby.” 

“Perfect?” Evan had practically squeaked out, his eyes slightly wide.

Connor chuckled with a nod. “Perfect. And you're gonna do so well, I know you will.” He lifted his hands off of him in favor of simply holding one and walking out the door slowly. Evan's walking wasn't stellar at the moment. “How are you feeling?”

“It's… Uncomfortable.” Evan mumbled, fidgeting slightly. “You'll get used to it. Besides, it'll be better when I turn it on.” Connor ruffled his hair, and Evan nodded breathlessly. “Yeah,” He agreed. “But… What if I can't do it?” 

“You can. But if you don't want to, you know what to do. Can you tell me the plan?” Connor's eyes softened. Evan looked up as he searched his memory, then nodded. “I uh- yeah. I'll get your attention and say red. Or if it's really bad, go to the bathroom.”

“Good boy.”

With that, they drove off to go have dinner. 

~

Evan was crying now. He'd watched as Connor fucked another guy, and then watched that guy leave without even so much as leaving his number. Connor had cheated- no, not really. Connor betrayed him with someone who didn't even appreciate him. God, it was Evan's own fault that Connor didn't want him anymore anyway. As much as it hurt, Evan didn't blame him. 

Evan was the one who ruined everything.

Connor was sleeping now, and the blonde was sitting up slightly, silent tears falling down his face. Maybe he should just leave. Evan allowed his eyes to wander, meeting the open window and looking outside. It was raining. He wrapped his arms around himself, shutting his eyes tight in an attempt to stop the tears and think more clearly. At the very least, he'd get up. Maybe he could make some food, get Connor's attention back. He didn't want to leave. 

~

Evan was glad for the tablecloth. It hid the fact that one of Connor's hands rested under the table, on Evan's thigh. It was astounding to him how Connor could so flawlessly carry out a conversation, all while teasing him relentlessly. The hand on Evan's thigh moved up and down at a consistent pace, long enough to make Evan gain a false sense of comfort and stability. He levelled out his breathing as subtly as possible. Then, Connor's hand suddenly squeezed at his crotch through the pants and underwear. Covering a gasp with a painfully fake cough, Evan glanced across the table to make sure no one was paying attention. That's when things got harder. Connor had clearly clicked the button, and now Evan was squirming slightly, biting his lip. He was so focused on not making a sound that he barely heard his name being said.

“Evan? I asked what you thought of the food.” Connor's voice was as clear as ever. A girl with bleach blonde hair glanced idly at Evan, not really noticing anything, but Evan's brain told her she totally did. 

“Oh- I-I um, it's good.” Evan's voice cracked, and he silently cursed himself for that and for stuttering. 

“Just good?” Connor was trying to make him talk as much as possible. Evan shifted in his seat, stuffing a dinner roll in his mouth to stifle a moan as the vibration increased. Chewing the bread and swallowing, he cleared his throat awkwardly to answer again. “It's lovely..” He avoided Connor's smug smile. 

Connor nodded, then directed his attention to another co-worker. Evan almost sighed in relief when he realized the talking portion of this endeavor was over.

~

Evan walked back into Connor's bedroom with a plate of quickly reheated leftovers. Cooking wasn't really his strong suit, and Connor never seemed bothered by that. He only wanted Evan around for one thing, and that was becoming more and more clear, though he didn't want things to be that way.

Evan swallowed his fear and gently shook Connor's shoulder. The taller man woke after a moment, rubbing his eyes and sitting up. “Ngh.. What… Evan..?” He wasn't fully sober yet. “C'mere. Yeah, c'mere..” He clicked his tongue as Evan set the plate aside, reluctantly sitting in bed next to him. “I um… I'm surprised you want me here..” He admitted softly. Connor was either far easier to talk to, or impossible to talk to when he was drunk. No in between.

“Course I want you here. I love you.” Connor slurred, and Evan's heart shattered. That couldn't be true.


	3. They're Both Hopeless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It's fine.” Connor kept walking away until Evan couldn't see him anymore. Little did he know, Connor hated the tense, quiet smalltalk as much as Evan, if not more.

Connor certainly didn't love Evan. 

Right? 

Evan didn't care. Well, yes, he cared, but not right at the moment. All he needed to think about right then was that Connor was kissing him. Sure, Connor had just drunkenly confessed, and his mouth tasted like alcohol, but Evan was so absolutely touch starved after having no attention for a week that he didn't mind. He just needed to forget, needed to be loved physically if he couldn't be loved emotionally. 

Connor's hands clumsily ran up Evan's shirt, and he rolled on top of him, wedging his knee between Evan's legs. Evan's head tilted back, and he let out a shaky breath, his hands moving back to dig into Connor's back. Connor's mouth moved down to suck dark marks onto Evan's neck. 

Evan yelped when Connor bit particularly hard. 

“Fuck.. Please, please again..” Evan tended to be more vocal when Connor was drunk like this, it felt like less pressure. 

Evan arched his back when he felt Connor comply with his request, biting harder. He could've sworn he heard Connor mutter 'slut’ under his breath, but he didn't mind it. All Evan cared about was how good it felt, and how he had to push all his feelings aside for awhile. 

“Use me.. I just, I need you, god, please..” Evan meant those words, unlike in the past when he'd say them mostly to turn Connor on. Now was different. Evan wanted to be used, physically if he couldn't be loved. He needed contact of any kind, and he was no longer picky about how it happened. 

Shutting his eyes, Evan could hear the faint ambiance of music playing somewhere in another room. It was calming to listen to. Soon, the track was interrupted by a gasp, from Evan himself. He felt Connor's mouth on the skin of his chest, trailing down to suck at his nipple teasingly. With that, Evan's thighs started trembling already. He couldn't help it, he was extremely sensitive, and he hadn't been touched in awhile.

“Whatcha want?” Connor looked up with lidded eyes, a grin on his face. 

“Fuck me, please? Please..” Evan mumbled, avoiding eye contact. At least, until Connor's hand was under his chin, his fingers along his jawline, tilting Evan's head up so he was forced to make eye contact. Evan could've melted right then and there, he was sure. 

Connor rolled off of him. “Be.. Not clothed, then.” He laughed to himself at his phrasing, and Evan quickly nodded. He mumbled to slide his pants down, then carelessly tossed them aside, before taking his shirt off and giving it the same treatment.

“Do I have to take my underwear off too?” 

“I mean, yeah? That's kinda required?” Connor snickered, sliding his underwear off since it had been the only thing he'd bothered to put back on after his escapade with Jared. 

Evan flushed, nodding and tentatively removing his as well. 

“On your back or stomach?” Connor didn't usually give the option, but this case wasn't exactly usual anyway. 

Evan's reply was nonverbal. The submissive man laid on his back, looking up at Connor with an impatient and needy expression. Connor reached over him to get the bottle of lube, a necessary item. Contradicting this, he brought two of his fingers up to Evan's mouth. Evan didn't need to be told what to do, immediately opening his mouth so that Connor could push them in. 

“Good boy. You're so so good..” Connor spread his fingers apart, and Evan let out only a quiet whine around them, getting more desperate to be touched. Connor pulled his fingers back, grinning at him, and then applying some of the lube. 

“You gotta be patient, unless you wanna get hurt, y'know.” Connor pushed one finger inside, and Evan tried to press his hips down against it, patience clearly running thin. 

“Please..!” It sounded like a cry, Evan's breathing was shaky and his eyes watering. Connor tsked, adding another finger to appease him just a bit more. Evan trembled under him, close to begging already. Before he could say another word, Connor spread his fingers out in him and he let out another soft cry of bliss. Connor was enjoying the view, watching Evan writhe under him in ecstasy was always a pleasant sight. 

“Ready?” Connor pulled his fingers out, looking at Evan, who nodded vigorously. 

“Gotta clean up then.” Connor teased, but then just pressed his fingers back into Evan's mouth. Desperate for more, Evan lifted his hips the best he could. Connor pulled his fingers back once again, applying more lube to himself, and then pressing all the way inside slowly.

Evan wished he'd chosen the other position, god, he wanted to bury his face in the pillow and absolutely scream for him. He settled for making a noise similar to a low whine, biting his lip and looking up through his eyelashes, non verbally begging for more. 

“How do you want this?” Connor leaned down to purr lowly in his ear, and Evan felt tingles down his spine. 

“Use me, please be rough, make me yours..” Evan's face was a bright red. His thighs were still shaking, and the dominant man shot a glance at that, chuckling to himself. 

“You already are mine.” Connor moved to pin Evan's wrists above his head with one hand, starting to move. Gradually, he eased into a quick pace that had the other moaning and whimpering incoherently. Evan fought not to buck his hips up against him desperately, instead settling to throw his head back and press his thighs up against Connor's hips. 

The submissive cried out again when he felt Connor's hand starting to jack him off, and he knew that at this rate he'd be close to cumming in a matter of seconds. 

“Please! Please, please sir, please I'm so close, god..!” Evan whimpered, then stared up at Connor when he felt the long haired man start to simply roll his hips against him, stopping the rough pace. 

“No, please, nonono, please fuck me, please I need it..!” 

“Use the title you like.” Connor hummed, continuing to go painfully slow. 

“Please! Daddy!” Evan would've covered his face if he could, it was so red at that point. Connor grinned in satisfaction and finally humored him, switching back to the pace that Evan adored so much, but now hitting a new angle that made Evan scream out his name.

“Please! Right there!” He begged helplessly, drooling and not even trying to stop his whole body from trembling now. Connor nodded, leaning down to start leaving more marks along his neck, jacking him off again. It only took a few more seconds until Evan cried out, spilling his cum onto his chest and Connor's hand. 

“Aw, what a good boy..” Connor cooed, not relenting until he'd filled Evan up himself. He pulled out slowly as soon as he'd finished, then pressed a kiss to the submissive's forehead. 

“Sweet boy.” 

“Ah… Thank you..” Evan mumbled, trying to still his breathing. 

“Mhm. I'm gonna sleep, feel free to shower.” Connor yawned, rolling over. Evan felt that sick feeling of nervousness creeping up inside again, but he got up with a small pop of sore joints and a groan, going to the large bathroom to clean himself up. 

~

The night after that dinner with Connor and his co-workers, Evan had been exhausted. More exhausted than he was used to, because that had been one of the most extreme things he'd done at the time. 

“Are you okay?” Connor had stayed by his side, eyeing him with worry. 

“Mm, yeah, that was just.. A lot. I liked it though, I promise.” He flashed a sweet but tired smile. 

“Yeah, you want some water or anything?”

“Just a nap?” 

Connor laughed at that. 

“A nap it shall be.” 

Connor wrapped his arms around Evan, laying down with him and holding him close. Smiling, Evan drifted off into a pleasant sleep. 

~

An hour later, Evan had showered and gotten dressed in underwear with an oversized shirt belonging to Connor.

Connor was asleep in that big bed, and Evan leaned against the doorframe, just watching and deliberating. He decided not to come in. Connor wouldn't want him there when he woke up, Evan knew.

No matter how much truth had been in that confession, Connor didn't want him around unless he was drunk. It hurt, but Evan felt mind numbingly sad. 

He turned away, going to sleep on the couch. 

~

“So, what do you wanna do here?” Connor hummed thoughtfully, looking at Evan in curiosity. 

“I… Good question, really.. I just, I'll do whatever you want, I just don't feel right staying here for free, but I know I can't afford a normal rent..” 

“I can be your sugar daddy.” Connor grinned playfully, nudging Evan, whose face went red. 

“Oh my god.”

“I'm joking, Ev.” 

“Yeah- I know!”

~

It was late afternoon when Connor finally woke up. Evan had been watching TV, cleaning, anything to keep himself busy enough. Now, he was sitting at the bar with drawing supplies.

For awhile, he considered possibly having a few drinks of his own from the bar, but he didn't know how expensive those were and he didn't plan to find out. Besides, he always felt worse if he got drunk, so it'd be pointless. Drugs could work, but Evan wasn't really the type to use, so it'd be his first time with most of them. He'd only ever had a few pot brownies, and Molly once, but both were accidental encounters. Both at a party. Both major reasons he didn't go to parties anymore unless he had to. 

Evan was snapped out of his thoughts when he saw a shadow on the ground moving towards him. Connor, with his hair a mess and dark circles under his eyes. He probably had a hangover, Evan guessed silently. 

“The hell are you doing in here?” He mumbled, rubbing his temples. Evan implied that he probably had a headache, so he kept his voice soft.

“Just sitting… I was gonna draw something.” He wasn't lying, technically. He did have paper and a pen in front of him at the bar. 

“Mm. And why didn't you?” 

“Because I'm shit at art..” Evan answered nonchalantly, moving his gaze to the piece of paper mostly so he wouldn’t have to face Connor anymore.

“Whatever you say.” Connor sighed, walking off. Evan felt empty again, and he almost wished the conversation would've went on. Fuck it. 

“Connor?”

Connor turned. “Hm?”

“You remember earlier right?” 

Connor paused, he did, but he didn't want to raise suspicion that his confession had been the truth, though it had been. 

“No. Why?” 

Evan's heart might've broken right there.

“No reason. Um, you got drunk, so.”

“I remember that part. And I think I fucked you. That's all, is that what you wanted to tell me?” 

“I… I guess so, um.. Sorry.” 

“It's fine.” Connor kept walking away until Evan couldn't see him anymore. Little did he know, Connor hated the tense, quiet smalltalk as much as Evan, if not more. 

Connor had gone to his office, shutting and locking the door. The office was a big room, unsurprisingly, and there was a big desk with a computer and a rolling chair parked in front of it. Art that Connor had done himself hung on the walls, and a table with a wire sculpted centerpiece was the main display of the room. That room was the one that Evan visited least, Connor had made it clear that Evan wasn't supposed to go in unless he'd specifically been called there.

The reason for this? Partly because Connor kept his work on that computer, but mostly because Connor had some documents about things other than work. Namely, an online journal of sorts. It was stupid, so Connor never mentioned it, but he wrote about everything in there. His feelings, Evan, work, stress, Evan, and more Evan. He wrote about how in love he was, and every time he used the word love he cringed. It felt like a taboo just to consider feeling that way. 

Both of them were hopeless at this rate, and they both knew it, even if it was just subconsciously.


	4. Connor, You Dumbass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor's heart hurt, badly. He needed to say something, needed to reassure Evan that he loved him endlessly and wanted him around for more than physical desire. Instead, he settled for petting Evan's hair and holding him tightly.

Connor sat at his desk, hair pinned back but a few loose strands dangling by his face carelessly. He had his elbows up on the surface of the desk itself, holding one arm up to support his face in his hand. He was furiously scribbling down thoughts and crude sketches in his journal, filling page by page. Words about Evan filled and flooded his mind along with the pages, he needed to get them out somehow, and there was no way in hell he was ever going to say them to Evan directly. No, that'd be simply an invitation for disaster.

“What have you done to me?” He mumbled aloud, letting out a bitter and humorless laugh.

Dropping the pen, he exhaled sharply and just put his head down in his arms. He wanted to sleep it all away. Keep running from his problems, shut himself in the office alone. He wanted to isolate, but he knew Evan had nowhere else to go, so he couldn't just kick him out. He wasn't heartless after all. 

~

“So…” Evan shifted nervously, not daring to meet Connor's eyes. It was his first full week staying on Connor's, and the two had made a very, very tentative plan. One that Evan never saw himself agreeing to. God, his life felt like a damn sitcom. No, not that, maybe a dramatic film of some sort. 

“Yeah? You know, I'm still willing to let you live here free.” Connor shrugged. “Up to you.”

Evan took a deep breath, drumming his fingertips on the couch beside him. 

“Um.. I.. Yes.”

“Yes what?”

“Yes, I'll make the deal.”

“Cool.” Connor cracked a grin, nudging Evan, who frankly couldn't believe how casual he acted about it all.

~

Evan had been left alone for the past six hours, based on the clock on the wall at least. He'd cleaned up around the house, something he didn't really have an obligation to do, but occasionally did anyway when he felt bad or when he wanted to score extra points with Connor. It worked, usually. Evan just wanted things to go back to how they were. Connor used to care, he used to check in and make sure Evan felt okay, he used to be less closed off and straight up cold. 

Now Evan was at one of the lowest moods he'd had in a long while. He stood from the couch where he'd been just thinking about everything, and walked over to that painting he'd been drawn to at first. The skeletal dog. He traced the surface of it, eyes following the piece to take in the detail of it. Connor had always said that one wasn't his best, and technically he was right, but Evan just liked it. He'd even named it, jokingly, but it stuck. Lucky, the bone dog. Typical, but it made Evan smile to think about.

Evan walked along the hallway now, noticing Connor's office being locked. He overcame his impulse to knock, instead continuing the walk. He wasn't entirely sure where he was even headed to. The only place off limits was the office, and only sometimes. Evan did wonder why the office was so closed off occasionally. It wasn't his business.

Evan went to his own room, the one he barely entered anymore. Usually he slept on the couch, or in Connor's bed if he was lucky. The bed was made, and there was a teddy bear on it, one that brought him some comfort. He flopped down and held it close to his chest, crying into the pillow softly.

~ 

Connor was on the couch, holding Evan close on his lap and absently petting his hair, to which Evan responded well too. He'd nuzzle against Connor's hand without even thinking about it. 

“You seem like you're getting more comfortable here.” Connor commented with a smile, and Evan nodded.

“Yeah, thank you.. It's because you're so nice to me.” 

Connor could've melted right there. 

“You're sweet,”

“Because you deserve it.”

~

Evan was spending his eighth hour alone when there was a knock at his door. Begrudgingly, he stood up, kissing the teddy bear's forehead and setting it down before answering the door. 

“What d---” He stopped when Connor full on grabbed the collar of his shirt, pulling him out into the hall and shutting the door. 

“Did-Did I do something..? I'm sorry-” Evan's voice trembled nervously. Connor shook his head. 

“No. But I need stress relief. Okay?” 

“I.. Yeah..” Evan trailed off, letting out a surprised squeak when Connor picked him up. Connor had plans. He'd be rough with Evan, get his anger out, and Evan would enjoy it anyway. If he didn't, he'd stop, and that'd be that. Truthfully, Connor wasn't exactly sure why he was so angry. He couldn't stop thinking about Evan, and it was downright frustrating. 

“You're an asshole..” Connor mumbled under his breath, pressing Evan's back against the wall and then kissing him quickly before he had the chance to respond at all. Evan did respond though.

“So are you,” He muttered against Connor's lips. He froze right there, knowing he shouldn't have dared to say that. 

It only seemed to fuel Connor though. He wedged his knee between Evan's legs, rubbing against him as he continued the kiss. 

“What a dick,” Connor pulled back and mouthed at his neck, making Evan tilt his head on instinct. 

“J-Jerk,” Evan stumbled on his words due to being distracted by Connor's mouth. Connor bit down on him in response.

“Yeah, I am, and you're a slut for it.” Connor growled, pushing his knee up roughly and making Evan whine. 

“Exactly.” Connor mocked, pushing his shirt up. Evan wrapped his legs around Connor's waist, letting him do what he wanted. He liked this more than he wanted to admit. He liked being able to get his feelings out, and push Connor further.

“You're an a-” He got cut off with a loud gasp when Connor left marks on his chest. 

“I'm a what? What was that, whore?” Connor cooed teasingly, pulling his hair. Evan yelped, his face red.

“Ass-Asshole..!” He muttered slightly more confidently. Connor put him down, taking his shirt off entirely and standing over him. 

“I'm not going to take it easy on you.” 

“Because you're a jerk. And you don't care about me.” Is what Evan wanted to say, though he only managed to say the part about Connor being a jerk. Then, he even added a pitiful, 

“Please don't, sir.” 

“Fucking whore, insulting me and then expecting me to do what you want.. You're a brat.” Connor wrapped his hand around Evan's neck, gently squeezing the sides. Sure, he was slightly pissed, but he'd never actually hurt him. He still was going to be safe about it. Evan let out a whimper, enjoying the pressure from Connor's hand. His mouth opened without much thought, and before he could blink, Connor's tongue was in it. Evan kissed back, letting out shaky little moans into it. Connor pulled back after a moment, letting go of his neck too. 

“What do you want, you fucking asshole?” 

“You're the asshole! And please fuck me!” Evan whined, looking up through his eyelashes at him. Connor pulled his hair again. 

“On your knees. I'm gonna fuck your mouth, maybe that'll shut you the hell up.” Connor muttered, and Evan was already undoing his pants simply at the mention. He was glad to get attention while Connor was sober, and god it felt amazing to get his feelings out like that. Even partially. 

“You're such a goddamn slut, so eager..”

Evan nodded, mouthing at him through his underwear, making Connor emit an involuntarily groan of impatience. 

“Hurry up.” 

Soon, Evan had pulled Connor's underwear down, and he started to just lick him. Connor lost patience, gripping his hair again and just pushing himself into his mouth. Evan squeaked, but relaxed around him, soon closing his eyes and moving his tongue around to create more friction for Connor. 

“Yeah… Like that, keep going..” The dominant hummed in approval, moaning lowly when Evan hollowed his cheeks and took him deeper. 

~

Evan cuddled up to the warmth of Connor's sleeping body beside him. It was the first time he'd ever done anything with him, and it had gone amazingly. Evan felt loved, and happy, and euphoric.

He placed a gentle kiss on Connor's shoulder, and the sleeping man rolled over in response, pulling Evan close to his chest and nuzzling against his hair. Evan closed his eyes, falling asleep in comfort and safety.

~

Connor pulled out of Evan's mouth before he had the chance to cum yet. 

“Wh-”

“Shut up, asshole. I didn't wanna cum in your mouth.”

“I would've let you.”

“I know. But you're not in charge here.”

Evan shut himself up like Connor requested, feeling himself get picked up to his feet again. Connor pulled his underwear down and Evan kicked it away.

“You still wanna be fucked?” 

“Please..” Evan nodded quickly, his face red. Connor lifted him up and pressed his back against the wall like he'd done before. 

That's when Evan started crying, and Connor stopped. Clothes were put back on, and the smaller man was carried to Connor's bedroom. 

~

“So, you wanna go out somewhere tonight?” Connor asked Evan idly as he made himself a sandwich. He'd offered one to Evan, but Evan had declined. 

“Where?”

“I dunno. We could shop, get you some stuff.”

“No. You're too generous to me already, I don't need anything else.”

“Mm, okay. Tell me if you change your mind.”

Evan never did change his mind about that, but it didn't stop Connor from buying him presents. He never actually got the courage to give most of them to Evan though, so the numerous items he'd collected remained in a room down the hall that Evan had never visited. Maybe one day, Connor thought, maybe one day he'd tell Evan he loved him, give him all the things he wanted to. Maybe.

~

“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so fucking so-”

“Don't be. Stop apologizing.”

Evan stopped talking at all, just sobbing into Connor's chest. Connor's heart hurt, badly. He needed to say something, needed to reassure Evan that he loved him endlessly and wanted him around for more than physical desire. Instead, he settled for petting Evan's hair and holding him tightly. 

“You're important, you know.” 

“Not… Not to you.” 

Connor shut up after that. Evan didn't know how wrong he was.


End file.
